Farmers’ Christmas: and when the Labor Day inadvertently finished Christmas

This is a story, not on the great man in red,

No, it’s actually a story about his big brother instead.

So, not the one guided by reindeer eight

But the man who helps put Christmas dinner on your Christmas dinner plate.

Its transport more John Deere, than the magic beast

Yes, I’m talking about Farmer Christmas, the brother you know the least.

We therefore collect this particular story in a farm kitchen,

Where the Christmas of the farmer, to his brother, Santa Claus, is of the dog

His bitch feasted the story of Hallow,

And the early arrival of Christmas Grinch, the Honorable Rachel Reeves.

With the just stroke of his brand new Mont Blanc pen,

She struck family farms and winners in Wales in Fens.

Only 500 farms would be affected, she told us with redistributive joy

“And let’s face it, most of these will be like Jeremy C”

But the figures are Claptrap said Richard Teather d’Asi

Indeed, as made as Ms. Reeves very clean curriculum vitae.

Indeed, “500” per year is really 15,000 per generation;

If we also consider BPR, it’s more like 35,000 – what a revelation!

In addition, the agricultural consolidation in progress, make HMRC statistics,

So, you can add, say, 20% to this, which means 42,000 on the tax plate.

And add to those who plan and make gifts,

63,000 affects say Adam Smith, and therefore the credibility of the government derives.

Thus, when the statistical tree is indeed shaken

What falls from the tree is closer to 70,000 farmers on the hook.

“Yes, yes, yes,” said old Santa Claus

“But what has it to do with me?” He says after a short clumsy break

“Well, excuse me,” said his farmer, dismayed

Do I have to organize a visit to the ghost of the Christmas past?

Well, said Father C, with a glow in his eyes,

If I remember correctly, as Christmas ghosts leave, he’s a real party guy.

“In any case, I consider myself a public service, you see,

This is not all about turnover, cash flows and profitability. »»

He went up his belt and caressed his beard,

As if it was the last word, without any other to hear.

“Yes, that’s good,” said Farmer C with Bilissouss

“But who pays you to broadcast your geletide generousness?”

“Who works 365 days a year to finance your annual trip,

I’m going to tell you, a tax plate of one, me, the drop!

“Well, uh, there is no need to go there, because its Ruddy border has become ruddier

We do not need to drag our family belongings, to make them even more muddy ”

“Well, I think we do it,” said Farmer C, a spring that is starting to spring in his step,

He took a sip of egg for a little additional pep.

“You see, it’s my work on this farm throughout the year,

This allows you to fill your sleigh and spread your Christmas joy ”

“It may be your face on cards, books, films and others,

But who pays for that? Which greases the wheels of this festive bike. »»

He immediately regretted his appalling metaphor (or was it a comparison?)

But he was not going to leave this elephant in the room easily rest.

“You see my dear brother, while you live off,

Paying my taxes and bringing a life to life has become a chore. »»

Father said, “Don’t worry, I won’t have much importance,

We will pass through this, in Starmer, we have confidence! “”

“No, I implore you dear brother, that there is no confusion

My financial straits are not just an illusion. »»

“I cannot pay the gas or the Leccy, not to mention your Elf 100 reactor

It’s not like I could go out and just sell the tractor. »»

“Dear Santa Claus, why can’t you see that it’s serious?”

The Labor Evening has almost finished Christmas! »»

“Don’t worry, don’t worry, it will be fine my brother

I made a pile of money by buying and selling crypto! »»

“Bitcoin, ether, deffi and memes!”

I think crypoassets are in family genes ”

“While you worked so hard in the field

I worked intelligent, earning moon from the moon, obtaining diamond hands »

“Let me go straight,” said Farmer in despair,

“Do you exchange crypto?” No wonder I lost my hair. ”

“Well,” said father, barely making his brother calm,

We are both farmers now, it’s just that I am a farmer! »»

Suddenly, finally, Santa Claus started reading the play

“Well, my tax advisor called the other day, which raised the gloom”

He begged “brother, figs, figs figs is exactly what he told me”

The tone in his voice was absolutely broken with joy.

“You and your predilection of Pudding Figgy

I worry, brother, does it become dependence?

“No Ho Ho,” said Father C with a cry Rioutous

“This is the new tax regime on foreign income and which I speak of.”

“You see, I have been in Lapland for so long my dear

And I could have frostbite where you prefer not to hear.

“But this new announcement is really a bomb

I would not even have to pretend to be non-dom ”

“So,” said Farmer C, with little festive joy

“Let me go straight, you come back here …”

“Yes, maybe I can bring my foreign income and my earnings, isn’t it great,

Without the taxman taking nothing from my plate! »»

“I can help you on the farm. Calooh! Callay!

I will bring the elves and the Renners to help pay our way. »»

“But, but” sighed the farmer with his head in his hands,

“Have you not seen Rachel Reeves other confiscoor plans”

“If we do this, we will now be rinsed for Nic,

And, with the Angela Rayner’s rights of employment bill, things will be really interesting. »»

“Ok, dear brother, we can park it for the moment,

But I want to help, tell me how?

“Well, do you always keep the naughty list to start?”

“Oh yes, upgraded to a naughty contract using Ethereum … Now it’s smart.”

“Maybe then, on the name of Rachel Reeves, you can pop”

“Of course, my brother, I will make sure she is there, just at the top”

“Did I say,” said Santa, “I’m stung for I don’t know?”

“With my personal pension invested Santa Claus, who has just started to grow.”

“Do you have a SIPP?” said farmer, surprise engraved on his face

“Yes,” replied the father, “I installed him with Saint-Nick”

“But don’t you need to have real income to fill the pot?”

I know that my funding is pretty everything you have ”

“Ah,” said Father C, tapping his nose

“Advice! Hashed pawns, whiskey, etc. I have a lot”.

“But chopped with scotch pies and glasses?”

How to transform them into species? Is it a YouTube that I have to watch.

“Well, I pick up the premium in my magic bag,

And I put it in my sleigh and in Lapland, I resume ”

“During the trip, the meat pies are in a box and the whiskey has turned,

How is it going? Well, that, dear brother, I never asked “

“But then we are going online and we sell everything on e-bay

The E means elf (despite what they might say) “

“So he’s bottled as if by magic and box in your bag,

And you sell it on the market, a black market?

“Not black, no, no, no, it’s no longer like Elfish Green

I will tell you that you have to believe it, so that it is seen ”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to spoil your pecuniary cunning,

But I am almost sure that this is approaching the abuse of tax ”

“Well, funny you say that, I had an investigation, but I’m fine,

A beautiful inspector opened it under COP9 “

“He wanted to check the source of my funds

In general, was the tax due on these ex-grated festive bungs? »»

“But he decided that they were not subject to a direct debit,

Although he is interested in the benefits of the sale of pies and bevies ”

“I convinced it that there was no truth (not even a grain)

And if he did not accept it, he would be directly on the naughty list

And with that, the Christmas brothers were gathered in pairs,

Prove that blood thicker than blood and, well, the despair of mutual taxation.

They drank and laughed by adding Reeves and Starmer to the naughty list

They drank and laughed a little more until they were completely p….

And thus ends with this story, long and large

Everything is left to Tax Dog to say, it’s …

… “Merry Christmas one and all”.

By dog ​​tax